Disciplining Your Toddler

As parents we are filling many shoes- teacher, cook, maid, referee, comforter and chauffeur just to name a few. I think the hardest role is that of the disciplinarian.
I can’t stand it but, unfortunately, it is something we all have to do.
Apparently, children NEED to be disciplined because they don’t really have the skills to control themselves. They aren’t TRYING to make us crazy- they are just experiencing the world and how they fit into it. They are defining their identity and also seeing what the boundaries are. It is up to us to help them with those boundaries.
There are several methods of discipline that parents use.
#1. Spanking
Spanking doesn’t teach self-control but rather teaches that reacting with violence to things they don’t approve of is okay. I think Spanking is a last resort- when it is perhaps the only way to make the importance of a situation understood.
#2. Time-Outs
I found this very effective with my daughter. I removed her from the situation, told her why she was getting a time out and she had to sit until she quieted down. A time-out isn't really a punishment. It's an opportunity for your child to learn how to cope with frustration and modify his behavior.
#3 Reward method
This is more about complimenting your child when they do good things. Learning through positive feedback. They like praise so it is believed that they will repeat behavior that gets them positive attention. Rewarding the child for good behavior with candy, toys etc.,makes them work for the rewards rather then being motivated from within. This doesn’t actually teach self-control but contributes to wanting the reward. I find the bribery method really effective when I am trying to shop at Target or something. Oh you want this $3 Barbie? Well- if you behave…..worth every penny in my opinion.
#4 Diversion
Getting your kid to focus on something else is sometimes the best way to deal with a situation. Apparently this works best with kids under 3. You don’t have to get angry or act like a police man…you just have to redirect them. Example: your toddler and a friend are fighting over the same toy. You get another one and offer it a and say “Ohh this one looks like fun” or whatever… This sssssort of works with my 3 year old son.....

Whatever methods you use just remember that your child is NOT trying to be a big pain in the butt. They just really don’t know better. There are times when I feel I might explode with frustration and I always try to remind myself of this…

Unconditional Parenting

Interesting article posted in the New York Times today about unconditional parenting. After reading it I see that I do often fall into the category of conditional parenting, meaning that my demonstration of love towards them can be measured by whether they are good or bad. when your child behaves well or does well in school I think that alot of us probably praise and maybe pay more attention- whereas when they behave badly and do poorly in school or a sport, our attitude is different. There are some interesting points made in this article, though I find it hard to figure out just HOW to become an unconditional parent. Yes, I will love my kids no matter what but reacting to negative behavior.....well.....what is one to do? Listen to Enya and meditate together to remove the "bad"or "weak" energy???? I do my best to let them know that even when they aren't the best or fall short of their own expectations I still love them. I want them to be secure in who they are. The article says to "explain reasons for requests, maximizing opportunities for the child to participate in making decisions, being encouraging without manipulating, and actively imagining how things look from the child’s point of view." I always try to see it from their point of view and give them an element of control. I just don't understand how one can NOT be conditional about some things sometimes. I am having a hell of a time getting my daughter to do her homework. It's like puling teeth and I end up losing my patience after a while. HOW can this be solved without some kind of balance of some sort? Your teacher will not be happy if, It makes me angry when.....Unconditional parenting? I WISH I was that evolved! Check it out-

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/15/health/15mind.html?emc=eta1
New York Times HEALTH | September 15, 2009
Mind: When a Parent's 'I Love You' Means 'Do as I Say'
By ALFIE KOHN
Evidence is now available about the mainstream thinking on the disciplining of children.

-SBH

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-SBH